Finding a cute girlfriend
via the Linux Command Line

by Code Snipcademy on June 30th, 2015

So a lot of you guys claimed that the last post in modifying your unix permissions to access your Pokémon cards was too childish. So today, we'll be teaching you big boys how to find a girlfriend using the basic find command via the Linux Command Line.

Yes, that's right. You can find a girl to date straight from your mancave. And it's not just any random girl - it's your perfect soulmate. All you need to do is pass in a few options with the find command!

Why not locate command?

So first, let's talk about find's cousin, locate. The locate command does a similar function as the find command, but it's not as flexible. Furthermore, it's limited to the indexes stored in your local database, which gets updated daily or weekly depending on your settings. However, one advatange of locate is that it's faster, so consider using this command when execution speed is critical.

Anatomy of a find operation

We have three parts to a typical find command:

  1. Where to look
  2. Criteria
  3. Actions
structre of the linux find command

Where to look

The first argument is where to look. You can specify your home town (~) or pass in a zipcode.

# Find in your home area
$ find ~ 
# San Francisco, sunset district
$ find 94116

Does she have children?

If you have a strong preference for being childfree, the command line has an option for that! Simply pass in the -type command, with f or d. f stands for file, meaning search for nodes with no children; on the other hand, d specifies directory, meaning there are children to that access node.

# Find girls without children in my hometown
$ find ~ -type f

Specifying a type

As you know, girlfriend come in many formats. Simply take out the vowels to any nationality, and add specify that filetype.

We can use the simple tr command to remove all vowels.

$ echo 'jewish' | tr -d 'aeiou'

Here are some samples, but for a complete listing, check the wiki.

.blnd
Blonde
.brtsh
British
.chns
Chinese
.grk
Greek
.jwsh
Jewish
.mngln
Mongolian

Use the wildcard with the option -name. Time to find me a nice Greek girl!

$ find 94116 -name "*.grk"
/World/United-States/California/South-SF/VasilikiBalsamic.grk
/World/United-States/California/South-SF/EireneTzatziki.grk
/World/United-States/California/South-SF/PanagiotaSkordalia.grk
/World/United-States/California/South-SF/MariaGyros.grk
/World/United-States/California/South-SF/AgapeFakes.grk

Specifying a size

All beautiful girls come in varying shapes and sizes, of course. For a range, you can add + to mean at least, and - to mean at most.

k
kilograms.
M
Megagrams.
G
Gigagrams.
YM
YoMamagrams.
$ find 94041 -name "*.brtsh" -type f -size +50k -size -70k
/World/United-States/California/Mountain-View/DevoraChallah.brtsh
/World/United-States/California/Mountain-View/ElioraMatzah.brtsh
/World/United-States/California/Mountain-View/RebeccaCholent.brtsh
/World/United-States/California/Mountain-View/RuthHolishkes.brtsh
/World/United-States/California/Mountain-View/SusanKugel.brtsh

Last been in a relationship

Okayyy you're getting real specific there, but that's none of my business. The find command even lets you check when a girl's last been in a relationship! Simply use the -atime command, which gives back the time last accessed.

$ find zip -name ".chns" -type f -atime 60

Actions

With your search query, you may run actions on your resulting list.

-print
Print full name to standard output.
-exec cmd
Execute a command, such as askondate or sendawkwardpickupline.
-mount
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

To learn more about searching on UNIX, go here. For more tutorials on the command line, visit our command line tutorials page.

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